The Awkward Guest has Arrived...

First, it's 11:24 pm...and I have things to do tomorrow. So I am giving myself 10 minutes tops to write this, here goes! Adam had his "real" first day today. It's actually his 3rd first day, but today was the first day of academic classes. I texted him when I thought he would be done asking how it went and he replied, "If I had to sum it up in one word, I would say confused. If I had two words, I would say utterly confused". Ha! Not sure what I was expecting...maybe that the professors baked cookies for the first day and they all sat around telling funny patient stories? Then he came home, and he brought someone with him, well something actually...I will call it "the guest". The guest is the elephant in the room screaming that everything has changed. He came home with a pile of work and studying to do, while Remi and I played all day. Gone are the days when he would come in and I could pass a cute baby off to him for a few awhile and sneak away. Not anymore with the guest around. The guest brought blackboard assignments, and due dates, and anatomy labs, and case studies... And I know it's especially hard for him because Remi was being so stinking cute tonight. In just the last few days she has starting waving, pulling herself up, and crawling (as opposed to her usual inch-worm method). And, she's very attached to her daddy. I'm sure this transition period will be the toughest for us all. Perhaps, in a few weeks, the guest will become a regular member of the household, and we'll learn to work around its quirks and habits. But for now, it's that awkward getting to know you-transition time. With that, it's 11:34. Goodnight family and friends.

Tomorrow I begin my 7+ years as a single, working mom. Okay...that may be a tad melodramatic, but that's what it feels like at least! We (mostly Adam) have worked so hard to get to this point, and now that it is here, I'm so nervous! I think it's all the unknowns that have me emotionally scattered. Things like: How will Adam cope with the stress of medical school? How will I cope with the stress of Adam stressing over medical school? How will I deal with Adam not being around much? (We have worked and commuted together the last four years!) How am I going to find any semblance of life-balance when I go back to work in a month? What is Remi going to think when she transitions from spending two months with both of her parents full time, to spending most of her time without either parent? How will I do in fulfilling my duties as a loving, Godly wife, when I know the temptation for bitterness will be so strong? Will we get to spend any quality time together as a family that doesn't always feel rushed?? How are we going to survive financially when we lose an entire income? Ahhhhhhhhh!!!!! Obviously, I cannot know the answers to any of these questions yet. I am a bit relieved that Adam is starting now, while I am still off for a month, and can perhaps work out a few of the kinks. For many years I was disillusioned into thinking I could stop working once Adam started medical school, and be a stay at home mom (my dream). I really don't know what I was thinking. Adam does get some money for living expenses, but not much. And certainly not enough to support a family. Food and insurance are over-rated, right? So here we are, about to start the journey we've journeyed to start. We are abundantly blessed with family and friends who I know will support us through anything. They are THE reason we did not leave San Antonio for Adam to go to school. It is wild to think about how our lives will change over the next few years. Remi will be 5 (seriously, five years old? that's unfathomable)when Adam graduates. Which means, Remi will know her father as being a doctor for most of her conscious memory. There will likely be another Gomez tot running around at somepoint before he graduates (if Adam is reading this, his pulse just shot up a little), which is also hard to imagine at this point (As a side note, does every mother worry they could never love another child the way they love the one they already have??). But, I can already tell it's all worth it. I can quite vividly recall the exact moment six years ago when Adam and I made the decision for him to pursue his dream of becoming a doctor. He was working in a corporate setting, and clearly unfulfilled. His mind and creativity were not being challenged, and he was miserable. So we made the decision. It was scary, impractical, and seemingly insurmountable. And yet, by the hand of God, here we are. I know we made the right decision, because we made it for the right reasons. I can only hope that every doctor actually enters the profession because they want to make a difference the way Adam does. We want to teach Remi life is not about what you get, but what you give back. I hope to keep this blog a bit more updated, if for no other reason than to help me chronicle the madness to come. :) If you would honor me with your prayers, I would appreciate prayers for wisdom, grace, and patience. Oh, and I take donations of vegan confections too!