How I Lost my Religion

I grew up in a Southern Baptist Church. I grew up in a wonderful Southern Baptist Church, full of gracious people, and lots of opportunities for me to explore my faith and grow as an individual. I am forever grateful for that church, and the part it played in making me into the person I am. That being said, I have deviated quite substantially from this church's viewpoints. It happened slowly as my life experiences began to contradict what I was taught. It was not an easy transition; I did not slip calmly into the night of the secular world. I went kicking, and quite literally at times, screaming. I do believe I hold an interesting vantage point because there are not too many people who began early life and adulthood with very traditional views, and then transitioned into very liberal views (while still being thankful for my background). Here's how it happened.

In 2002 I began my first year at St. Mary's University. I lived on campus and had the very traditional campus experience; it was glorious! An openly gay friend of mine attended St. Mary's with me. All the way through the first year of college I loved my friend, but firmly believed he was making the wrong moral "choice". We even had a confrontation once where I literally said, "You can't be gay because God forbids homosexuality, and therefore He would not have created you to be gay". Looking back, I was a bit of a pompous, self-righteous jerk. But even more so, I was simply ignorant. And thankfully my friend spoke his truth patiently and didn't vilify me for speaking mine. It is incredibly easy to judge others actions and codify them on a dichotomous right/wrong scale when you don't know the person. Indeed, it appears very conservative Christians see the world in black and white terms, while more liberal individuals have learned to accept the gray. College was the first time I was routinely surrounded by people of different faiths, sexual orientations, and ethnicities. Cognitive dissonance entered the picture and I had to begin the process of sorting out what I was experiencing with what I had been taught. Here's the thing I've come to understand: People's opinions are shaped by their experiences. If an individual has lived different life experiences than you, it is natural you both have varying opinions. Your opinion is right for you and what you know, my opinion is right for me, and what I know to be true. (See note on moral relativism below).

Some of the most formative moments in my life have been from church camp experiences. The outdoor tabernacle at Alto Frio Baptist Encampment is an anointed place for sure. I can honestly say I have felt the presence of God wash over me like a flood, so that in that moment I implicitly understood He was/is very real, and very much wants to be in my life. How do I reconcile this? How can I match up what I am experiencing with my understanding of Jesus? Some of my Christians friends boil it down to this: God is the same for ever and ever. His truth never changes. Anything you experience in contradiction to the Bible is wrong and your actions should be changed to line up with the Gospel." Again,everything is black and white. For awhile I believed this and lived in guilt I couldn't overcome the contradictions. Then I started researching. The first thing I discovered is ANY passage in the Bible can be interpreted in ANY way, to prove WHATEVER point a person wants to make. If you don't believe me, go check out any forums, blog posts, etc. It's like a game of scripture dodge-ball. You throw a verse at me, I'll throw one at you. I'll catch your verse, tell you you're out because MY interpretation is clearly superior to your interpretation. Game continues ad nauseam until someone "wins" and we all feel defeated. There are interpretations about why homosexuality is bad, verses about how Jesus never said a word about homosexuality even though it was prevalent during His time, interpretations about why owning slaves was bad, interpretations about how Jesus didn't speak out against slavery during his time, interpretations about why it's okay to eat animals, interpretations about how in the first creation story animals were not food, interpretations about what laws we are under (old covenant? new covenant? try reading all about that when you have a chance) and on and on and on. What is a person to do when so many viewpoints seem to be able to be substantiated? For ME, the answer has been to seek God fervently in my life, and when I reach a point where something is unclear, pray about it, meditate on it, seek guidance and hold onto the truths I find. And honestly, isn't that what everyone should do? And not just for religious opinions, but all opinions. Research, evaluate, step back and give yourself time, and THEN make the most informed decision you can based on what you've found.

Most recently the headlines have been around marriage equality. From my early days with my friend to today, I have come a LONG way on this one. I've prayed, meditated, asked God for guidance and reached the conclusion being homosexual is not a choice, it is who that person is. As such, I feel strongly they should have equal rights under the law. I don't believe it will lead to a slippery slope situation as many have indicated and I am proud we have come to this point as a nation. I also firmly believe no minister or member of the clergy should have to perform a same-sex ceremony. If it contradicts what they know to be true in their life, they are within their right to refuse this service. And I'm not sure why a gay couple would want to get married by a begrudging clergyman anyway. I don't necessarily feel the same liberty should apply to a person providing a for-profit service (food, venues, flowers, etc.) Here we start to enter into the territory of moral relativism. And it's a valid argument. One I've thought through and debated many times. Here's where I'm at. I am very comfortable with the decisions and conclusions I've made in life. I feel they were informed and reasonable. I will not (typically) debate my decisions back and forth. This is something I've learned as a result of being vegan. Sadly, whenever someone asks me why I'm vegan, it is not because they are genuinely interested in MY decisions, but because they want to pick apart each of my points. It is thoroughly surprising how passionate some people can get over what I DON'T eat. As if what I'm not putting in my mouth is a total affront to everything they believe in. Because of this experience, I am a bit of a closet vegan. I am very happy to discuss my viewpoints with someone who is genuinely interested, and has the time to listen. And when they do the response is ALWAYS, "Oh okay, I get it now, cool." I didn't seek to change their mind, only to have them understand mine. Similarly, I 'm at a point where I don't want to pick apart my beliefs point by point. Once again though, I am happy to engage is a real conversation with someone who is interested in hearing out how I reached where I am. I believe we still wouldn't reconcile anything, because I am comfortable with my beliefs (seemingly) not matching up to the Bible. This is again a point I had to reach, and again another point I didn't take lightly. Because of this standpoint, I will never come into compliance with someone who believes in the literal interpretation of scripture, and that's okay! It does get tricky because I completely understand the traditional Christian viewpoint and how they can feel compelled to not let worldly views alter their beliefs and the importance of staying steadfast despite what society might throw at them. I know because I was that person. I know the struggle of worrying about someone's salvation, the struggle of trying to help a friend through a morally precarious situation while staying aware of my own shortcomings, and doing the whole thing out of love. I know that MANY Christians truly and firmly believe they are acting in completely appropriate ways by boldly proclaiming their truths throughout everything out nation is going through. I know and sympathize, because I was that person.

Where does this leave me? The first thing is I know I want my life to reflect the love of Christ. I want to honor God in my words, thoughts, and actions. I want to live a life of service and humility. It's a lonely world for those of us wanting to hold onto our faith AND wanting to embrace socially progressive ideas. We either have to attend a church where we keep views hidden, and live in fear they wouldn't let us near the children if they knew what we really believed...or attend a church SO liberal and out there in their beliefs, we politely go running away seeking "normal" again. Inevitably, what many of those in my position decide, is to remain unchurched. In other words, we lose our religion. Never for a moment do we lose our beliefs, our faith, or our love for Jesus, just our religion. And so, we still say our prayers, we still read our Bibles, we still jam to KLOVE in our cars, and we love unconditionally as we have been called to do.