Core Values

Earlier this year I began working with Janet Trevino from www.janettrevino.com, through her life-coaching services. During our time together she introduced me to the benefit of considering my core values. Prior to this I understood the basic notion, and knew that most business and organizations identify and utilize core values often. But I had never taken the time to identify them in my own life, or consider how doing so might influence the way I interact with myself, others, and the world at large. That has all changed. The last few months of life have been...eventful. When you’re amidst the fray and chaos of change it can become difficult to maintain a clear mind and make the decisions you will still be happy with further down the road. Enter core values. By establishing what you intrinsically and wholeheartedly value (preferably done during a time of relative lucidity and peace), it provides for you a framework from which you can make informed decisions even in times of uncertainty.

What are core values?
I operationally define core values as the premises from which I operate in my day-to-day life— the foundational beliefs I hold about myself and the world that inform my actions and decision making.

What are my core values (right now)?
I believe they can and will change as I gather more insights and experiences. Creating is presented first as it is the highest value I hold for my life. The others appear in no particular order.

Creativity/Creating
Integrity
Growth
Connection
Service
Authenticity

How did I decide upon these?
A quick Google search will return numerous sites that offer comprehensive lists of core values and exercises for determining what yours are. I did scan a few lists to see examples of the words, but I did not complete any of the provided exercises. Rather, I spent intentional quiet time reflecting on who I know myself to be and then created my list based on my reflections.

What does each value mean to me/how does it manifest in my life?

Creating - A few years ago I took a spontaneous solo trip to Lost Maples. I was searching for the answer to the existential question that plagues us all: What is my purpose here on this earth? I took my journal and an open mind. Amidst a backdrop of exquisite beauty, God revealed very specifically that my purpose was to create. When we create we are most exemplifying the essence of who God is, who we are as part of the divine. Educators will note that “Create” is at the top of Bloom’s Taxonomy as the highest form of evidence a student can produce to show mastery. If you can create, you understand the parts of the whole and how to manipulate them into something that has never existed in the world before! My main form of creating is my writing. I have looked for other expressions in art and music. I believe creating also involves the development of new ideas, relationships, and habits. I hold creating as my highest core value and I feel most in sync with myself and the universe when I actively seek to cultivate creating and creativity into each day.


Integrity - Here’s a huge secret about this one: it’s not a good thing for me right now. From early adolescence I discovered that if I couldn’t best those around me financially, academically, or with my appearance, I could be morally superior (which naturally negated exactly what I was trying to accomplish). With relative ease I could adhere to rules, regulations, and internal and external expectations of myself. I was always consistent, always on time, always prepared. I took notes in church while others whispered. I took on purity challenges, fasting challenges and prayer challenges, and executed them all beautifully. In school I paid attention, took my academics seriously, and never cheated. I didn’t drink almost exclusively so I could declare the “I don’t drink” when asked. Adults would always comment on my “maturity” and that was my reward. I was better than everyone else my age. I found security in my moral superiority. Today I would be remiss to state I’m over this. While the ties that bind me to my self-righteous past are loosening, they are by no means gone. I still judge others more than I should. I still take joy from enforcing and abiding by rules and regulations. I still crave being seen as a person with unwavering integrity. But the anticlimactic truth is that I am not morally superior; I screw things up all the time. So my goal with this core value is to get to a place where I have solid integrity over having integrity as a core value. I haven’t exactly determined what this looks like. For now, it looks like loosening my self-imposed rules and letting go of executing things to perfection (while being okay this means others might lessen the value they place on me). I’m definitely open to ideas around this.


Growth - This one comes easily for me. An aspect I truly love and value about myself is my inherent insatiable appetite for learning new (and as of late, really exciting) things. I’ve learned I’m what is called an intensive (versus expansive). Intensives latch onto something wholeheartedly and dive in deep from the beginning. When an idea, practice, or person, comes into my life that is intriguing, I’m hooked. I want to know everything all at once. What’s great about this is my brain provides the natural stimulant to make this process not only work, but to typically be very fruitful for myself. The downside of course is keeping a good balance in my life. While I do think going intensively into a particular area is an amazing experience, at some point, I have to force myself to pull back and attend to other aspects of my life so that when my “intensive phase” comes down, I still have a well-rounded life to return to. I’m thankful for friends and family who understand that these phases are a time of rich growth for myself and who remain patient and supportive.

Connection - Deeply connecting one-on-one or with a VERY small group of people gives me life. How beautiful it is to be given the opportunity to dig in deeply with another person and explore the ins and outs of what makes them who they are. Consider the following scenario: Circumstances align so that you have been gifted unlimited time and the space needed to intimately connect wholeheartedly for hours on end with another person who is equally excited to share and be with you. Does that bring you as much joy as it does me? Now in my personal scenario, there are fuzzy blankets and coffee involved, but alter it as you see fit. Ahhhhh, bliss!

Service - How can I give back to my friends, family, community, and the world? How can my actions and beliefs benefit others? For me it’s not enough to let these things just happen: I need to be intentional about serving. That is not the same thing as saying I’m successful at this. There is a time and space commitment surrounding intentional service that I have yet to perfect. I will work on being conscientious to opportunities in my life where I can give back; that is at least the first step.


Authenticity - What would it look like to present my whole self to the world without reservation or feeling the need to reign in who I am? Terrifying? Vulnerable? Rewarding? All of the above. Many in my life would say I’m oversharing —that there are simply things I should keep to myself. I think that can always be a possibility and a potential risk. Brené Brown offers the following questions to ponder when differentiating between vulnerability and oversharing:

Why am I sharing this?
What outcome am I hoping for?
What emotions am I experiencing?
Do my intentions align with my values?
Is there an outcome, response, or lack of a response that will hurt my feelings?
Is this sharing the service of connection?
Am I genuinely asking the people in my life for what I need?

With these questions in mind, I’d like to share that I am bisexual. I share this because it’s authentic and I have no shame around being who I am; in fact, it’s a pretty great place to be! :) I also share because others cannot. I recognize my privileges surrounding this topic and would like to do my part in destigmatizing our sexuality. Without fail, my friends and family who have been privy to this part of me have all expressed their unwavering love for me and who I am, and for this, I am blessed beyond measure. And while this piece of information is not required, it is important to me to note my sexuality has nothing to do with my divorce; he knew who I was and was ridiculously supportive and encouraging in this area. I am not looking for an outcome. I do not need or crave people’s support. And while it’s always nice to have, comments such as: “Agree to disagree,” “love you but not that part of you,” or the worst when it comes to this… “I’ll pray for you,” are definitely not needed or wanted. God is 100% supportive of who I am; I asked and we’re cool.

Being authentic can be scary; in fact, I think it's always scary. But it's also freeing in a revolutionary way. The weight of pretense is burdensome and grows over time. Living an inauthentic version of our life is wasteful and does not provide the fertile ground necessary to cultivating all aspects of who we are.

How do I keep these established values at the forefront of my life?
Today I will work on making copies of my values to post in the prominent spaces I occupy and a small copy to keep with me. I need to make a practice of reviewing them in the morning, and reflecting upon them at night. If the need comes up to adjust the list, I give myself permission to do so. I do not wish to for my values to become legalistic and restrictive. Instead, I wish for them to guide me and help inform my thoughts and actions.