Rethink Everything: Part I - Language and Communication

Preface:
If I’m 100% honest, I don’t know where this post is going to end up. I do know that I become clear with myself through my writing, and this is needed right now. I’m currently teaching my students about the elements of a dystopia, of which one is: the dystopian protagonist gets the sense something is not right about society but they cannot pinpoint exactly what it is--that’s where I’m at.
Many people in my life know I’ve rebirthed myself over the last year, but only a close few know how far the rabbit hole goes. Because I’m scared to share. I’m scared because if my heart doesn’t come through in what I share, if you don’t catch the nuances of my experiences and how I journeyed to where I’m at, the story I’m creating is that you will dismiss me entirely. That you will no longer respect me. Many of you know me as a deeply cautious, hard working, and no-frills individual. I spent a lifetime on that reputation. I was dependable, operated with integrity, and willing to help where I was needed. I was safe there. But not really. I have always questioned existing structures. It got me into hot water many times over the course of my life. From Sunday School, to high school, to college, to the workforce, I don’t go many months where I’m not the outsider on something because I refuse to accept that the way something has always been done is the way it has to be done. So it should come at no surprise to myself (I am actively coming to this conclusion as I’m typing it!), that this trend would continue even once things became more...intense? I’m not sure what word to use there. So that I don’t lose the forest for the trees, I want to focus on concepts that have evolved in my life out of my experiences, instead of focusing on the experiences themself. That being said, if I pique your interest in any area and you want to know more--ask! I might say yes and I might say no, but I’m happy to share where it makes sense for me to do so.
Concept 1: Elevated Language and Communication

Keeping with my dystopian theme, last summer I read The Giver for the first time. As the giver works to transfer all of humanity’s history to Jonas, he stresses to Jonas the absolute imperative of precision of language. Precision of language is being intentional in what you say. Let your words reflect exactly what you mean. Let your yes be yes, and your no be no. I’ve been lucky enough over the last year to be part of a community where this is expected. And it’s been invaluable to have a person in my life who has helped me with this. Our language is the only bridge we have between our mind and our relationships. Until we master telepathy, we are forced to filter our nebulous thoughts through our often restrictive language. And we SUCK AT IT. Partly because I believe many people don’t understand why elevating our language is important. They’re dismissive over the idea that what they say in routine conversation can impact someone to a high degree. Let me give some examples of ways in which I’ve altered my language over the last year to help elucidate this point.

I’ve stopped (almost, I’m still unlearning this one) using the word “guys” as a ubiquitous term for a group of people. Why: guys is clearly masculine and perpetuates a societal notion of male-dominance. And, many people don’t identify as being male. If you instantly dismissed this as silly, ask yourself if it would be awkward to substitute “gals” in for a term that represents the whole. See the problem?
I have actively worked to increase my LGBTQIA academic vocabulary. These things matter. Knowing pronouns matters. Let me give you an example that just happened in my classroom yesterday. I have two trans male students. One is VERY protective over his pronouns; getting this right is deeply important to him. I told him at the beginning of the year I would make this a priority. When I have a substitute, I cross out his given name and write in his preferred name; it’s important to me because it’s important to him. I had a floating substitute in my classroom while I was also present and she was helping me distribute novels. I forgot to change this student’s name on the roster I gave her, and I stepped out of the room at this exact moment in time. She called out this student’s given name, and when he didn’t present for his book, she continued to call the name louder knowing we didn’t have any absent students. I came back in when all of this was over. After class he approached me and was crushed. I had told him I would protect him in this area and I didn’t. Hearing his given name called out amongst his peers borders on trauma for him. I messed up. And if you are thinking, “this isn’t a big deal, he has to know it’s going to happen until he changes his name,” then please sit with this for awhile, and trust me when I say it mattered. It mattered deeply.
I am beginning to recognize and alter my language that demonstrates my privilege. I am also learning when the best thing I can say in a scenario is absolutely nothing. My voice as a white person is simply not needed in many places. Deciding not to say anything is my contribution.

I’m actively learning how to change the meaning, charge, tone, and content of what I say by implementing Nonviolent Communication concepts. This could be an entire post and likely will be soon.
These are a few specific examples that represent a larger trend. Raising my vocabulary and level of communication has been a natural extension of my growth process, and I’ve put it intentionally first because it flows into all of the other areas.

Part II Topic Preview - Sexuality: Everyone Has One!